Stuck in the Loop

from 12 Months a Year by Leslie Hudson

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If you're anything like me, you know what it's like to tell yourself stories about who you are, and, more convincingly, how others must perceive you. In my complex, mental health cocktail, there are voices of truth and there are others masquerading as truth. The trick is to tell them apart.

In the past, it's been easy to look back at choices I've made and punish myself for making them, wishing I could change things, reliving them to no avail. Breaking free of that cycle is one of the hardest things I've ever learned how to do. Doesn't mean the voices don't still do their best to be heard, but I recognize them now for what they are: liars. And I don't have to yield the floor.

lyrics

If I'm honest there are phases where I'm eaten up
Like a gibbous moon, pissed off that its time is up
If I'm honest there are memories that I wanna burn in a sadist fire
Line them up to wait their turn

Don't want tomorrow to be the same
Pricking my skin with these pins of blame

I've been worried there are places - bruises in my mind
Like the ice you see just above the water line
I've been worried my defenses - symptoms of the cause
Keep me swimming on in this anger just because

Don't want tomorrow to be the same
Pricking my skin with these pins of blame
Tomorrow doesn't have to be the same
Pricking my skin with these pins of blame

Stuck in the loop
It's easy to get stuck in the loop

If only I could go back
take back hit back lay back
hold back fade back step back
play that back again

Stuck in the loop
It's easy to get stuck in the loop

credits

from 12 Months a Year, track released April 21, 2022

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Leslie Hudson Stratford, Ontario

Leslie Hudson is a Canadian singer songwriter and pianist. Their albums range from storytelling styles to bluesy bar rock to dialed-up, full-band homages to pop culture. With lyrical piano skills and a voice that cuts through the crowd, their songs dive deep into archetype and folklore, modernizing ancient voices & shining a spotlight on the shadowy paths we walk through life, myth and media. ... more

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Leslie Hudson recommends:

Mischief
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Mischief was my introduction to the spellsongcraft of S.J. Tucker who builds sonic story sculptures with such precision and grace of motion that I am borne up on her bright beating wings of wonder. Leslie Hudson
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THIS EARTHLY SPELL
by Karine Polwart

My favourite album by Karine Polwart, an understatedly brilliant songwriter, serene and incisive, who weaves resistance, hope, joy and heartbreak into hauntingly crafted arrangements rich in harmony. Leslie Hudson
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